Lesson Ten
Line: A disease!
Context: Michael has to explain to Sandy why he suddenly has money to produce Return to the Love Canal without telling her he beat her out for a role on Southwest General. After all, she gets suicidal at birthday parties—what would that news do to her? “What am I going to do? Tell her somebody died and left me the money?” he asks his roommate. Next scene:
Sandy: My God! When did she die?
Michael: Last week.
Sandy: Of what?
Michael: A disease!
Usage: Applicable in any situation needing a cheap and cheesy excuse for misfortune. Examples: “You’re looking down—what’s wrong?” “A disease!” “What happened to your houseplants?” “A disease!” “How did your computer get all these cookies from porn sites?” “A disease!”
The ploy works in the movie, with Sandy remarking, “Gee, what a coincidence—your needing eight thousand dollars and her leaving you exactly that much.” Unless you’re dealing with the highly credulous, it will not work for you.
Lesson Eleven: “And I lose, right?”
Lesson Nine: "I don't take this shit from friends, only from lovers."