it's "tips"

Lesson Three (two quotes)

Line:  "Tips.  It's 'tips'."

Context:  Dorothy is running lines with April, with whom she shares a dressing room.  April is wearing tiny underwear and doing lots of bends from the waist. She says, "Things are better since you came to Southwest Genera. We're so grateful to you."

Dorothy:  For?
April:  "For your help and advice."

Dorothy:  "l think of you all as my daughters.  What kind of mother wouldn't give her girls tits?"  Tips.  It's "tips".

Usage:  Anytime you give or receive a tip, monetary, advice or otherwise.  You'll find lots of reasons, I promise.  And you’ll have fun saying it, because it’s a funny word.  “Tips,” I mean.  Okay, the other one is funnier. 


not with me as Tolstoy

Line:  "Not with me as Tolstoy."

Context:  Michael is starring as Tolstoy in a play.  The director tells him he'll have to have to interrupt his death scene to move center stage so the left side of the house can see him.  Michael refuses, stating, "Not with me as Tolstoy."  He throws down his prop cane and script and leaves.

Usage:  "Not with me as Tolstoy" is a storm out line.  It refers to the nuclear option in a relationship or interaction taken, the bridges irrevocably burned.  You might say, for instance, "I almost had a 'Not with me as Tolstoy' moment today" to indicate the nearly intolerable level of frustration you experienced and the drastic course of action you almost took. 

The handy thing about "Not with me as Tolstoy" is that it is so obscure (to the non-Tootsie fluent) that you can use it as a storm out, nuclear line, but the recipient of the line will be unlikely recognize it as such.  This will allow you to return, maybe a bit shamefaced and to a mystified boss, but still employed.  A bit of a cop-out but the Amazing Amy & I will know and sympathize. 

Related:  “I fired Mrs. Crawley today, I really did.”  This is Julie on the day she sacked her daughter’s frightening nanny, dumped Ron, and ordered Dorothy to out herself as a lesbian.  If you say this, you’d better mean it.

Lesson Four: "I'm really very up."

Lesson Two:  “It's not fattening and it's not good for me. How many things can you say that about?”

Contact Cobra.