(Written by Sharon C. McGovern)
The authors of the song, which I'll just call "Turds," are Matt Stone and Trey Parker of South Park fame. The singer is Shelly, Stan's mean older sister (Is there any other kind? Just kidding.) and Cartman's brace-face babysitter. Her slushy vocal delivery and tendency to hurl little boys with wall cracking force initially cast her in an unsympathetic light, but she does have a touching weakness for a shiftless male (Is there any other kind? Just kidding, jeez.), ten years her senior ("I'm still in high school!" he protests, "…I'm a very immature twenty two year old."). As a boyfriend, he is so sleazy and heartless (Is there…heh, heh, KIDDING!) that even Cartman tells her, "You're pretty ugly, but you don't have to be dating twenty-two year olds." Shelly does endure a painful break-up, then, with Cartman, crafts a sweet revenge; but before all that does have a moment in the sun, fronting her boyfriend's band and shouting out her surprisingly up-beat philosophy which goes something like this…
much pain in the world today
Thank you to Mr. Kukini (Hawaiian
for "not a turd") for locating this song on-line, at www.beef-cake.com.