I know it is wrong to delight in the misfortunes of others. That said, The Pain has come into some misfortune and I couldn't be more delighted.

Oh how I will not miss her occasional tantrums in the lobby in which she proclaimed she would go to the highest authority in the land and demand to have me fired, the confidential whispers from my boss that The Pain lodged complaints against me on a weekly basis, the cloud of fruit flies that hummed around her head, the trail of ants in her office whose presence so mystified her (she said as she handed me insurance forms with big hunks of food stuck to them), the words, "I have pink eye-very contagious. Here, take your paycheck."

I am transported back to when I was very new to the company, something like two weeks, and she said she was leaving early. That was fine with me. Then she leaned forward and hissed in my face, "I just had an accident and am going home to change my pants." Welcome to Cosmodemonic!

Others had it worse, in that respect at least. Having waged a steady campaign of unfriendliness, I was privy to only sporadic reports on the status of her bowels. Poor Pat Lang was updated almost daily. And if my insurance was mishandled, and I'd be willing to bet anything you like it was, I fortunately never had cause to find out about it.

So that's one thorn out of my side. The Pill is still around, and doing fabulously well for herself. She seems to have become the Belle of Cosmodemonic. I'd ask Mr Enigma for an explanation, but he's always had a pervicious regard for The Pill which I've never understood.

On the other hand, as I was writing this, The Man stopped by and whispered, "The Pill has an idiotic haircut," so I guess her conquest isn't total. Another nasty character, whom I'll call Empress @#$%, bedevils my workplace existence, but I don't know that she'll ever loom as large as The Pain and The Pill once did.

Written by Sharon C. McGovern

I know, Danny--I could just quit.

From Vol. 20

Get Back to Work!